Maturity or Something Like It
by greenschist
Summary: The first step toward acceptance is always the hardest; or, James learns he doesn't know Albus as well as he thought he did. Albus/Scorpius, James POV. Slash.


Written a long time ago (2008? eeesh) for the AS/S fest on LJ.  
Inspriation and title from this prompt: "Maturity begins to grow when you sense your concern for others outweighing your concern for yourself." -John MacNaughton.

* * *

_Maturity or Something Like It_

This is how it started:

All I wanted was to clear my head a bit, and nothing does it for me like flying. I figured I'd stun two Kneazles with one hex and get a little practice in at the same time, so I headed off to the supply shed to borrow a Snitch. After all, if I get caught out after curfew and on the pitch without permission, McGonagall's more likely to go easy on me if I'm up to something that will benefit her old house team, right?

I had my hand on the doorknob when I heard it: a moan, followed by the sound of kissing, and a boy's quiet voice saying something.

Why did I look? I don't know. Maybe I was curious about who was in there, although I'm not a gossip, no matter what Lily and Mum say. Maybe I thought I'd see something legendary—like the time Jordan caught that freaky Nott kid jerking off in the library. Maybe it was just that I'm 18, you know, and...it's _sex._

I didn't expect to see Albus. I _really_ didn't expect it to be Albus and another boy, Scorpius Malfoy, to be exact, who had my brother pressed against the wall while he attacked his throat with his mouth and—oh, Merlin—stuck one hand down Al's trousers. I could happily have lived the rest of my life without hearing Albus groan like that or seeing the blissed-out look on his face. When he grabbed Malfoy by the hair and dragged his mouth up to his, I finally remembered how to move and got out of there fast.

Bloody hell, I thought. How long has this been going on? How could I not know my own brother is gay?

So much for clearing my head.

* * *

I went to Lily right away because she knows everything about Albus. I guess her response was predictable:

"Well, _duh!_ Of course he's gay."

On the opposite side of the chessboard from my sister, Hugo laughed and nodded in agreement.

"You _both_ know?" I pressed both hands to my head because, for a moment, I felt like it would explode. "Does everyone know? What about Mum and Dad?"

"I don't think so," Lily looked doubtful. "Maybe they suspect, but either way," she said firmly, "it's Al's decision when and what to tell them. You keep your mouth shut."

I could feel myself gaping at her. "As if I want to talk about it!" I looked around the common room, half expecting all of Gryffindor to be staring. "Do you think I want everyone to find out my brother is a poofter, a...a shirtlifter, a bender, a-"

"If I were you," Lily's angry tone cut me off more than the interruption. She and Hugo were both giving me looks I'd never seen on their faces before—like I disgusted them or something. "If I were you," she repeated, "I'd be far more worried everyone will find out you're a bloody idiot."

"Too late," Hugo muttered.

"Thanks a lot." I glared at them both until Lily sighed and sat back in her chair.

"Just don't give them a hard time, James. It's already hard enough. Don't make it worse."

* * *

I went to Rose the next morning because she knows everything about everything. Her response was predictable, too:

"Yes, Albus is gay, and he's in love with Malfoy. Now, I'm terribly busy, so was there anything else you wanted?"

I pulled out a chair and sat down at the table Rose had covered with books and parchment. Nine o'clock on a Saturday morning, no one goes to the library except swots and Ravenclaws. Rosie is both. "Why are you so calm about this?" I asked.

She pulled a scrap of parchment out from under my elbow. "A better question would be 'why are you so upset?' James, I'll make this simple." She looked as cold as ice, so much like Aunt Hermione at her most ferocious, I understood why Uncle Ron sometimes calls her 'Scary, Jr.' "Do anything to mess this up for Albus and Scorpius, hurt either of them in any way, and I'll hex your testicles off."

My fist hit the table before I could stop it. "Why is everyone in this family acting like _I'm_ out of line? I'm just concerned about my little brother."

"The _'shirtlifter,_' you mean? How kind of you." Rose folded her hands neatly in front of her while I struggled to find words. "Oh, yes, Lily and Hugo already told me what you said, and you can bet they've spoken to Albus already, too."

I felt sick at the thought and vowed for the umpteenth time to murder Lily and Hugo, while Rose continued on like the relentless force of nature she is.

"If you actually had your brother's best interests at heart, you'd realize that he's happy. What else really matters?"

What else, indeed. I swallowed hard. "If Al is so damn happy, why the big secret?"

I was treated to Rosie's best "you're so stupid, you're a waste of carbon and oxygen" look.

"Open your eyes. He doesn't feel secure enough yet to come out. There's a world full of people who would condemn him for falling in love, ridicule and insult him, perhaps even attack him. In Albus's case, one of those people is his own brother."

"I wouldn't attack him!"

Her lip curled in a sneer. "It's been less than 24 hours since you figured out Albus is gay, and you've already insulted him, talked to who knows how many people about him, but avoided talking to _him_. Albus is who he is, James. If you can't grow up and accept him—and accepting Albus means accepting Scorpius, too—you're going to lose him forever. If you let that happen," Rose shook her head, "I'll feel sorry for you."

* * *

This is how it starts:

I leave the library and wander toward the hall. I'm numb, and I think about what I saw Albus and Malfoy doing—not the act itself, but, for the first time, about the passion and trust behind it. I think about Rosie and Lily. I think about the thousands of little things that I and most of the couples around me take for granted: holding hands in public, a quick kiss before parting at the classroom door, slow dances, an arm around the shoulders at the Three Broomsticks. The list goes on and on.

I'm not surprised when I see Albus just standing there waiting for me, feet planted, hands on his hips, like he's ready for a duel. I don't see Malfoy, but I'm sure he's near and ready in case Albus needs him.

So I cut straight to it: "This afternoon's match is Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw. You going?"

Al blinks. "Um, yeah."

"Want to sit with me? Gryffindor seats are better than Slytherin 'cause the sun won't get in your eyes," I take a deep breath. "Malfoy can come, too."

It's a subtle change but a full-body one. Al relaxes, his eyes become brighter, and he smiles a bit. I realize it's been a long time since my brother has smiled at me.

"He can?" Albus asks.

"Sure. Two o'clock." I skirt around him and head for the stairs. "I'll bring the omnioculars, you bring your boyfriend," and saying it is easier than I thought it would be.


End file.
